“A truly compassionate attitude toward others does not change, even if they behave negatively or hurt you.” -The Dalai Lama
You are a kind person who is compassionate for helpless animals and people around you. You find it easier to be kinder to those you think are deserving of your compassion. But your attitude turns cold to the others who have hurt you, and you have a hard time thinking anything good about them.
There might be people around you who always seem to disregard and hurt your feelings. Do you think you will be able to have the same compassion towards them? Can you find it in yourself to empathize with their actions? If the answer to both the questions is “no”, then here is a message for you.
The rational reaction
Imagine getting in the shoes of the person who has said something harsh to you. Now think of why you would say that to someone. Is it because they had done something you didn’t like, or because you just like to find faults in everything they do? Now that you’ve thought about this, it’s time to get back in your own shoes.
Well, the message here is that it doesn’t matter why someone does what he or she does – there could be hundreds of reasons, and you can’t keep count of all of them. The only thing that matters is how you react. Though you might think that one way is to simply ignore them, that’s easier said than done. So, don’t ignore it if you can’t.
If someone has let you down, simply accept it and don’t go looking for reasons as to why they did what they did because you won’t feel better even if you find one. Your rational reaction should follow these four steps – accept the fact that they’ve hurt you, remain neutral, let it go and finally move on.
Ways to be compassionate
Be the kind soul you want others to be. The change you want to see in people should start with you. Won’t it be hypocritical if we expect others to meet the standards we don’t have? The first phase begins with you. Get rid of all sorts of contempt for others in your mind. The more your dislike for someone grows, the more it contaminates your mind. So, be wise and unbiased in your thinking.
Once your mind is free of negative thoughts, being mindful of your actions is the next step. Your actions should not cause hurt and distress for others. So don’t let your activities harm others. You have to practice what you preach.
And the next thing to do is to be compassionate, especially to the ones who have hurt you. It might take some effort on your part to empathize with them. However, there is gain in enduring the people who push your buttons, and even more gain in having compassion towards them – it makes you a better person than them.